Knowing the meaning of things is the most important to me. The ways in which meaning is presented in the form of words, pictures or sounds (in general, skills in art, music, language) are interesting, but they are just, skills. They are things that belong in an outer,(physical) world.

There are two worlds: the inner, the outer. Thoughts are abstract, and in the inner world. Anything else is concrete, belonging to the outer world.

I feel that nothing matters more than the abstract world. Living in the physical world can be tiring, for you sometimes have to spend effort making your presence known. I don't even mean an impressive presence, even a normal person unconsciously says things as if to say: this is me.

Given our short period of interaction with others, we can only get to know someone by taking note of their outer appearances, few sentences they say. So we say "first impression counts" and try our best to use clothes to represent us, say things to be seen a certain way. So tiring and painful.

It is better to live in my own world, and let those want to enter, in. I don't want to spend effort making my personality known to others. (for whatever purpose: friendship, jobs) The question is, how long can one survive in this (physical) world living this way?

Moreover, the very act of communication is actually a concrete way of conveying abstract thoughts - it is still concrete - your thoughts are affected by linguistic ability, and because everybody's interpretation of words differ, thoughts you want to convey can be distorted. If that is the case, the only truth is the inner world sealed within yourself.

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I figured something. The part of art I've always liked more is the meaning behind a particular piece. Some artists have impressive skills I can admire for hours, but what sticks with me is what the artist wanted to say (which relates to me). In art, meaning comes hand in hand with skill, because meaning can only be conveyed with good skill and presentation. I don't mean only skills like brushstrokes etc, but also the choice of subject matter, time frame selected. In art, meaning can only come with good presentation and skill. One half of the package does not interest me as much as the other, I think.

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Also, I am learning to say what I really feel. Often, we say things that are affected by our subconscious. Subconscious sounds like a fancy and non-accessible term, but in this context, I think the subconscious refers to our very natural and uncontrollable intinctive reaction towards certain emotions and situations. [eg. someone denying his feelings towards someone (person A) actually really has feelings towards (person A), but is denying it because subconsciously, he might be afraid of rejection and would rather not have others know about it, to minimize the chances of rejection. If I am able to identify my instinctive patterns, I'd be more able to notice what I really feel.